The Three Things You Must Pay Attention To In Marriage Or Before Marriage.

1. FAMILY PATTERN

                      Family pattern has a lot of roles to play in relationship and marriage, as you may know, the spirit controls the physical. These days we don’t always have interest in doing research to know how our past generations really looked like, yes am talking about your parents, grandparent and great grand parent , do you have any ideas about how their marriages were like? Did they have children outside wedlock or did the women got married to more than one man or how many wives the men had marry to, these are things must be observed. Polygamy is not a way of life but a spiritual force that migrates from one generation to another and when it does it becomes family pattern and then you see history repeating itself, that’s why you see marriages of these days getting troubled and broken, so watch it if you or your spouse have such in your linage, then be ready because the force will always come to fight in different ways to manifest itself in your generation, an example of it is you see women who ended up having children and not being under any man at the end of the day, most times one of their female children always end up like them when they don’t watch it. You can only win when you recognize it before going into the relationship. Note that you can stop the manifestation if you go in, but there is always a price to pay for changing the pattern which is things like lack of happiness for awhile, tolerance, pains and troubled relationship, so in your quiet time check up your life and see how you can recognize the real enemy and deal with it.

2. RESPECT

                  It is stated clearly that man should love his wife ,while women should be submissive to their man/husband which is Godly, but I can now understand that most women of this generation now finds it very easier to respect their pastors and order women husbands than they would respect their own husband . Hear this, no matter the size, age or jobless for a while the man can be, it does not make him less of a man especially if he is the type that is driven by vision. I know some women will say he has to respect me first because of the nonsense they call 50-50 shit. But like I always say, treat a real man like your God and he will be a fool for you. Every home belongs to the woman so if it’s going to stand nor fall it all depends on the woman of the house. Every man that has an angel in them also has a beast living inside them so which ever  bring out in them is surely what you going to get, though some men can control the beast from coming out while some let it loose easily. So keep your eyes open and watch it. Respect your man and learn how to give him his space whenever he is not in the right mood, don’t go nagging him out to avoid domestic violence ,prevention is always the best bet, if you can’t understand your spouse then you should not be with him. Let there be that flame he always light up in you be his strength not his stress.

3.THIRD PARTY

                  The third party is always an enemy that can be anybody that can always come into your life and relationship to wreck it when you give them the wheels to drive your private affairs. Whenever you have issues with your spouse, you should talk about it and sort it out together or see and talk to a professional about it instead of family or friends who won’t even share a pin of his or her own deep issues with you but would want to tell you how bad your life can be with your spouse. It’s always wrong to talk dirt about your spouse to friend or family simply because you wish to  be supported and be told things you would love to hear, there for reducing your spouse to an image, if you can’t understand your spouse, then you should not be with them in the first. The truth is that everyone has his or her owned bad character but how you manage yours with your spouse’s is what tells how long that relationship is going to last ,so it’s always better you know what you want from the beginning because a lot of people have ended up being with the wrong spouse based on taking action without understand the consequences or being pushed by the very first reason called [family pattern]. A lot did not marry for love but they actually thought they did marry for love until the real reason becomes very obvious and realizing they’ve made a mistake that might even consume them if not dealt with. Now seat down and take a chill pill and take a deep look to your relationship or marriage, ask yourself if it’s what you bargained for? If it is then congratulation but if it’s not the choice is at the door wait for you to decide how you wish to endup..

The Truth About Men Most Girls Doesn't Know

And that is the big difference for you men, they might not
know who they really love, but they always know who they really
want to marry. Their feelings may change like the seasons, but
that marriage decision remains the same. They know who they
want, they always do. They know who they are keeping for sex,
and who they are reserving for marriage. It is just the thing about
them, their desire might be for many, but their marriage decision
is always fixed on one.
So this year dear uncle, please for the sake of God, if you know
in your heart of hearts that you're not going to marry that girl, cut
her loose and let her go. Let her go start something new with
someone who will. You have taken enough from her, you have
enjoyed the free sex and other wifely privileges, cut her loose bro,
don't tie down what another man is fasting and praying to have,
let that girl go, please. All the children she has aborted for you is
enough, pity the husband God has reserved for her. All the dry gin
and postinol she has been swallowing like Vitamin C to cover your
shame is enough sacrifice uncle, help her womb, it is not fair that
you will take everything from her and go marry someone who has
been reserving everything for you, that is wickedness uncle.
We all know who we want to marry, and to be honest the woman
they want to marry they don't treat her like this, because they
don't want to destroy their own garden. You know I speak the
truth, so unfair to destroy the soil of another brother who is
somewhere waiting anxiously for his harvest, so unfair.
Let that girl go sir, however you want to do it, just let her go;

"I need a break"
"I need some space to figure out my life"
"I think we need some time apart"
"I have some serious issues right now and I need some time to
think"

However you want to say it just let her go. Push her away if she
does not want to go;
Ignore her calls until she gets the message.
Ignore her texts until she gets tired.
Pretend to be busy until she's fed up.
Put up some annoying attitude that she cannot keep up with.
Just do anything to push her away. Don't worry if she will be hurt,
let her hurt, let her cry, let the disappointment come, let her feel
the pain, after a while she will be fine. It is better for you to hurt
her now than hold on to her and hurt her destiny, let her cry her
way into the right arms.
Set that girl free if you're not going to marry her, please release
her to find her destiny if you cannot see her in yours.

Sex And Attitude

Sex, since the history of man or human evolution has gone through several changes, even in terms of definition and form and the individuals engaging in it. Once upon a time, sex was thought to be primarily for reproductive reasons, then for the relief of sexual tension and later, for the sexual pleasure. Right from the explosive documentation of the Kama Sutra, various studies and experiences have been carried out by persons and institutions to unravel the mystery of human sexology and why, besides procreation, sex is important to mortal men and women. From the researches of Alfred Kinsey who is regarded as the father of sexology in the 40s and 50s to Masters and Johnson’s famous researches on orgasms of the 60s and 70s, sex has become a subject of great interest to all. Now, a research conducted by psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss on why women have sex which is published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior

, the duo in their new book of the same title, have listed 237 reasons why women have sex with their partners. Ranging from the mundane desires to experience physical pleasure; to the vengeful intentions of getting back at a cheating partner, the spiritual attempt to get closer to God, or the altruistic gesture of wanting a partner to feel good about themselves, Meston and Buss concluded that the motives for engaging in sexual intercourse may be larger in number than what most people think and psychologically complex in nature too. Some of the reasons listed are quite glaring and practiced across societies and persons at various times, regardless of their marital status too. In fact, marital sex as well as long term relationships tend to be more complex than those in newer or non-commitment relationships. Just as a married woman may have a legion of reasons for not wanting to have sex, she just might have another gazillion on why she must have sex. The most important and common reason being “duty sex”. Once married, it is assumed that providing sexual pleasure to her partner is a given. She must fulfill her own side of the bargain to keep the union. To some other women, it is the price for the status and benefits. In this case, it has nothing to do with her own sexual pleasures or preference and more about submission, ditto the man. Many women also believe that the more sex they have with their partners, the less chances he is likely to stray. Women assume that the more sex he gets with them, the less chances he is likely to think about sex outside the box, much less look for it. While good communication channel and a strong sexual connection may have been identified as important keys to a good relationship, hardly has having sex with a partner on demand been known to keep a person from straying into the thighs of another individual. Some women also believe that sex and children are the perfect ways to keep their men. Women dubiously believe that the more children and responsibility they throw at their husbands, the less likely they are to walk away from them. So, where they have agreed on two children, these women, on their own volition, manipulate or “accidentally” go on to have more children. This hardly works in some cases. You can only keep a man down for as long as he wants to stay down. I intend to write more about this complex situation in subsequent editions. Let’s just go through some reasons I found quite interesting in this book which I have practical examples for: Pity sex: Women may sometimes give in to sex for this simple reason, after all, we are women with maternal instincts. Some of the women in the book confessed to have had sex with men just because they felt sorry for them. According to one, she had been dating a guy over two years and he had been pleading with her all through. One day, she said she took pity on him and agreed. However, he was out of the door as soon as he could pull his pants up. A similar scenario happened to one of the young girls I counsel. She’d been dating the guy for quite some time, and though she’d told him she was no virgin, she’d however decided to go celibate until she was married. The guy had gone on to systematically work on her emotions and soon, broke her down. She said the day she agreed to have sex with him, he had prostrated flat on his stomach, swearing heaven on earth. What kind of desperation is that? However, what happened after the act, almost robbed her of her education as she did not want to return to school. She said immediately it was over, he jumped up and punched the air with his fist, asking if that was all that she had to offer and that he’d had better lays. He went on to tell her that he had only been acting out a script and never loved her. In fact, he and a couple of guys already placed a bet on her and though she had tried, he had won eventually. To make matters worse, he had ordered her out of his room. She said she ran away from school and several days was even scared to pick her calls or check the social media as she feared that he had recorded their activities and might post it on the Internet. Eventually, he had come to apologies but the damage had already been done. Sex for pity’s sake almost always turn out to leave a sour taste in the mouth as you can never be sure of the other person’s motives. Have sex because you want to and not because you feel pressured to, or are sorry for the guy. That way, should things go sour, you can hold your head up, look the a- – in the eye and say “f..k off, you fall me, I fall you, no big deal!” Marriage sex: This is very different from marital sex. This is simply sex to negotiate for marriage. Some ladies believe that having sex with a guy will provide them the opportunity to show the guys and convince them that they are good and suitable for each other. To add insult to injury, some of these ladies are prepared to play little housewife roles, they go over to the guy’s apartments for chores and even wash their dirty under wears and clothes. Some even cook with their own money to convince the guys that they can support the union financially too. My little sister gave me a gist about one of her friends who played house help for someone she called her fiancé for almost four years, refusing to heed everyone’s warning. As suspected, her generosity and selfless acts did not succeed at the negotiation table as the guy sprung the most unexpected surprise. He married the daughter of his neighbor and co-tenant, the little girl that had been calling his fiancée “aunty” and often came to the apartment to play with her when the guy was not around! My bet is that she had even run errands between the lovers and had benefited from the older lady’s generosity too. Eventually, they both betrayed her, her goodness did not help, neither her assumed sexual prowess. Trade by barter sex: Just as the phrase imply, this is when you use what you have to get what you want. The first thing that comes to mind here is prostitution, that age old trade of using the body for financial benefits. The activities of the prostitution ring are a multi million dollar investment worldwide with tentacles in drugs, violent crimes, human trafficking and many other vices. Interestingly, the average prostitute in many climes no longer enjoys the liberty of dealing her wares as a one man (sorry, woman) enterprise or sole trader to any interested client today. To carry on business as usual, she needs protection and this she invests in with the proceeds from her business as well as sex. Again, a drug addict or junkie will exchange sex for drugs naturally and when caught in a tight corner, many women have been known to exchange sex for their freedom. Negotiation sex: If the above seem rather on the dark side, let’s bring it down to base. Many things have been written about the power of the female anatomy. I mean, bottom power! Many men, both high and lowly have been known to succumb to the aura of this potent natural endowment. Many women have perfected the art of using their gifts from mother nature to get what they want through intense manipulation and negotiation. Sex is thus used by women to curry favor, to get jobs, promotions, or even maintain status as the case might be. A friend once told me the trick she uses to get anything she wants from her boyfriend. According to her, he is one of those shy types who can hardly express his thoughts or views on issues, let alone approach women. So, he considers himself very lucky to have found her and perhaps cannot trade the opportunity of the occasional sex for anything. (not yet, at least). So, for her, most times, She engages in sex to get him to do stuff for her. Her crude method even involves stopping in the middle of the act to get him to agree to her demand. And the poor thing just crumbles like a pack of cards. Revenge sex: This is common with women who have been hurt and who want to get their pound of flesh. Often, a wife might cheat on her cheating husband just to get back at him and probably make him feel the way she felt. It could also be to get back at a partner who has neglected them. Again, she might have sex to reassure herself that she is still pretty and desirable by men after she’d been jilted by one, or to simply walk out of an existing relationship. Revenge sex may sometimes take a bizarre twist, depending on motive and individual. While working on my book, Youth, Sex and Wellbeing, I spoke with a lady who confessed to having slept with a boyfriend she was no longer interested in and infected him with a STI. According to her, she’d gone to visit on his insistence, thinking that she would seize the opportunity to inform him of her slight indisposition. But to her annoyance, she caught him escorting another girl off. And though she’d always known she was not his only partner, seeing him that day was just too much and she made up her mind to teach him a lesson. A couple of years back, a National Newspaper published the self confession of a university undergraduate who at the brink of death, afflicted with full blown AIDS, claimed she’d purposely passed on the HIV virus to over 400 men. Her grouse was not with these men but the man who’d given her the virus and she wanted to take her revenge out on the world. If the men thought she was an easy lay at the time, they definitely would have a change of heart after reading her confession! Cindy Meston and David Buss, aptly summarized the various motives in these words. “Every person brings their own individual history to any sexual situation. The reasons why they are having sex, the way they feel about the sex and the consequences of having sex are all very different across individuals no matter what gender they happen to be”. And that includes men too.

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How To Cure Your Jealousy and Improve Your Love Life

If you’re one of those rare people who has never been overcome by jealousy, consider yourself lucky. Jealousy is an unpleasant emotion and seems to feel most intense when we’re romantically involved with a person. It can be a difficult emotion to manage, leading us to “react” in an unconscious, irrational way. Understanding why we feel jealous is an important step in improving our personal relationships.


When we find ourselves searching through text messages on our partner’s phone or telling them they can’t have friends of the opposite gender, we are probably reacting to our own insecurity from a past experience more so than responding to something occurring in the present. Jealousy does not show how much we care. On the contrary, it stems from feelings of fear and insecurity. And if our partner eventually turns out to be unfaithful, instead of seeing them as having a character flaw, often we turn and blame ourselves. “See?” we say. “I am unworthy.”

Often, self-doubt and insecurity start when we are children. We may have had a hyper-critical parent, teacher or coach, or we witnessed negative experiences that we internalized. Insecurity and shame lead to jealousy, because when we don’t feel worthy of someone else’s love we panic. We snoop through their personal items, text messages or phone records, unintentionally pushing them away because we are accusing them of getting ready to dump us for another person. (They don’t know about this, of course.) We permanently damage the trust in the relationship, and once they find out, they usually end the relationship.

7 Things you must not do if your man is cheating

For women, the thought of how much they have invested and the deceit races through their minds.

It is painful when a loved one cheats on you. The world seems to slow down everything else fades away.

For women, the thought of how much they have invested and the deceit races through their minds.

Here are some things that could further push your man away.

1. Investigating about the other woman: The truth hurts sometimes. Just avoid the stress and focus on winning your man back.

2. Insulting your husband: You will eventually give him a reason to make up his mind.

3. Insulting the woman: By doing this, you are just giving her the spotlight she does not deserve.

4. Asking him to choose between you and the other woman: Your husband really wants to be with you. Asking him to choose is a big mistake.

5. Monitoring him like a baby: He will begin to avoid your calls. Men want their privacy sometimes.

6. Fighting the other woman: Don’t act like a tout. People will end up blaming you. You might even get hurt.

7. Leaving your matrimonial home: BIG!! Mistake. He will bring her in.

Eleven (11) Common Lies from Bad Girls

Some girls are fun to be with, but some goes beyond just love as guys understand the culture of dating in Lagos, but these revealed top 11 lies their girls tell them, will help them up their game.

 
1. I have a boyfriend but he is not in this country: 
This is a common lie Lagos ladies like to tell always. While that may be true, it is mostly going to be a lie if you truly check. Lagos ladies tell the lies to make you back off or for you to know they are connected with a guy abroad in which case it has become a status symbol

2. The lecturer called me but I didn’t go to see him: 
Well, that is an absolute lie. Lecturers are demi-gods in our universities. When they send for female students, it is always for a reason. She probably wants you to believe she has not had any dealings with a lecturer.


3. I am not bleaching my skin, we are naturally light in my family: 
While this may be true, many girls in Lagos are bleaching their skin.


4. I am on my period: 
If a girl visits a guy and its time to get down, be sure the girl will come at the guy with the red flag excuse.


5. I went to visit a guy and he gave me 100k: 
Lagos girls like to prize themselves for the highest bidder. When a girl tells you this, it means you have to buckle up and be prepared to spend the naira.


6. I don’t love guys because of their money: 
Don’t be deceived. She is playing the good girl to enter your heart. Once she has your attention, she will come for the kill.
 
7. He is just a friend: 
Well, the other guy is not her enemy either. But remember male friends can do what a normal guy can do a girl.


8. I love you too: 
Well, love is relative. She may love you for anything.
 
9. I will call you: 
No she won’t, she will flash you.
 
10. I don’t eat much: 
Lagos girls like food. Don’t be deceived

11. Having sex:
No man has ever make me feel like this you are the first ever.

A woman that will waste ur time when you are ready

It’s an amazing feeling to be in love with someone. But sometimes we may be in a devastating relationship with people who will end up wasting our time. Find a list of those kinds of people.
 
Few things are more frustrating than coming across someone you could have had a spark with, only to find out that they’re just wasting your time.
We’re all very busy nowadays, and between work, socializing, keeping fit, and relaxing, we barely have the time to date. This makes it extremely frustrating when someone we are interested in is wasting our time. Luckily, when you know what to look for, it is quite easy to identify and avoid potential time wasters.
You need to have an abundance mindset – realize that the girl who is wasting your time is not ever going to be the one, and that you should move on as soon as possible to meet other girls who are potentially a better fit. Clichéd as it may sound, there are other women out there who won’t end up wasting your precious time.
No idea what types of women will only end up frustrating you? Here are the top 7 types, along with ways to avoid them.


1 She’s just not that into you. There is nothing worse than falling for a girl who is just not interested in you. She might be a friend, a colleague, or someone from your past. This is usually the case, leading to you coming into consistent contact with each other. Seeing her regularly keeps the feelings fresh and makes it impossible to forget about her.
Really, the best thing to do is avoid her and cut contact for a period, at least until you have met someone else or you have completely done away with whatever feelings you have for her. If you’re colleagues or close friends, it might not be possible to avoid her altogether, but you should keep things professional or friendly for a while, and focus your energy on meeting other women.
Meeting someone else is the best way to get over her and is also, funnily enough, the thing that is most likely to make her like you, since other women liking you can instantly make you desirable in her eyes.
Reality is rarely like a rom-com, and trying to woo her when she is initially not interested is unlikely to get you anywhere, especially if she rebuffs your advances by saying…


2 “Let’s just be friends” or LJBF. The classic line that women will say to let a guy down gently. She might give reasons, such as the fact that she isn’t looking for a relationship or she doesn’t want to ruin what you already have as friends. Recognize now that these are justifications to spare your feelings. It is her being nice and not telling you that she just isn’t interested.
The same applies as in #1. If she says LJBF, that is the end of the line for trying to seduce her. You are not Hugh Grant, and, again, the rom-com plot hardly works in real life. Maintain your relationship with her as it currently is if you wish – especially if you are genuinely already friends – but move on to pursuing other women. You will get over her when you meet someone else that you like and who likes you back.
Once you have been “friend zoned,” it is nigh on impossible to get out of it. She doesn’t view you as a potential romantic partner, and you should move on as quickly as possible to avoid putting yourself through a fruitless emotional rollercoaster.


3 She’s still into her ex.  This isn’t your fault, and there really isn’t a whole lot you can do about it. If she can’t get over her ex, perhaps she is still in love with him and maybe even continuing to sleep with him, then she will not give herself to you.
When her emotions are elsewhere, you will never connect on a deeper level. You might be able to have a fling or a rebound relationship with her, and if you choose to pursue that, it is your prerogative. However, keep in mind that you may not progress any further.
In time, when she has allowed herself to truly get over her ex, she may realize that she can learn to want you after all. Don’t try to force it, though. Either keep things casual between you or give her some time, and revisit the idea later down the line to see how she responds.


4 She’s always “busy.” If she has blown you off three times with excuses about being busy, she is probably just stringing you along. Chances are, she only sees you as a guy whom she can have at her beck and call whenever she feels like getting some attention or validation.
She might promise to make it up to you or she might show her remorse, but if all she has to offer you are excuses and apologies, then you’re better off not seeing her. What you can do, however, is try to turn the tables by being unavailable.
The next time she blows you off, avoid her for a week or two. It might give her enough time to realize that she misses you or that she actually likes you. But if she’s still as elusive as ever, there’s really no point in staying in touch with someone who can’t be bothered to invest some time in you.


5 The text buddy. We spend all day staring at our phones, and women especially love to text and chat all the time. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of becoming text buddies. You think you’re “getting to know each other” but really, communication through technology is no replacement for talking in real life.
You want to maintain an air of mystery and give her reasons to want to actually meet you and get to know who you are for real. So baring it all through text will only make her lose interest very quickly.
Text a bit less than she does, send shorter messages, and don’t be scared to cut a conversation off or not reply until the next day. Women love a guy who makes them chase him a bit, so don’t come  across as too keen – otherwise, you end up being her validation at the other end of the phone and never get to see her in reality.


6 The gold digger. We’ve all heard of gold diggers, and maybe you’ve met some, especially if you are financially well off. Do not become the guy who pays for everything and gets nothing for it.
Whether you pay for everything on dates or not is up to you, and doing so doesn’t in any way make her a gold digger. What does make her a gold digger, is when she doesn’t show any interest in you, rebuffs your advances, and still wants you to buy her things or take her to places without the relationship moving forward over time.
It is faulty logic to think that if she isn’t in to you now, you need to throw more things or money at her. It won’t make her like you more, but she may well like the money and string it along for as long as she can.
If a girl isn’t into you when you take her for a picnic in the park, she won’t be into you when you take her 5-star dining, either.


7 The flake. You’ve made plans, and she flakes on you at the last minute by making excuses or worse, not even showing up. Sometimes, emergencies happen, of course, but she will be apologetic if it is with a genuine reason. If she has flaked on you more than once, she is probably not really into you, and she’s just keeping you around as her backup plan.
Seriously, if a woman flakes out on you when you’ve already tried your patent best to ensure that she’ll have a great time with you, you’re better off exerting the same amount of effort on a woman who can appreciate what you’re willing to do for her.
Despite the initial feeling that she may be wasting your time, you can still try a few techniques to get her to appreciate you more. But if that doesn’t happen, remember that there are billions of women out there. The one who keeps wasting your time is not the one you are meant to be with.