Trust And Relationship

Yes, love covers multitude of sin is what scripture says, but if you love someone that you don’t trust see what will happen;

1. Chances are high you want to double-check everything the person tells you or does
2. Chances are high that you may become a detective in the relationship or marriage. You will operate more in suspicion than in discernment.
3. You may become insecured with the person with time
4. As a result of all above you become stressed and distressed, then you want to begin to consider walking away from the relationship or marriage.

In any relationship, it is important to build trust first before love. Trust provides a fertile ground for love to grow. Trust is a fertilizer for a relationship to thrive upon. Love is the engine for every relationship while trust (as well as money) is the engine lubricator for love. What the engine oil does in an automobile is the same thing trust does in relationship. Both trust and love are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other and if you do, you have more troubles to contend with.

BUT CAN’T TRUST BE DEVELOPED?

Yes, trust can be developed with time. But in a situation where your partner has overdrawn on the trust you have for him or her, what do you do? In a situation where your partner has betrayed the love between the two of you through cheating, backbiting and unpleasant secrecy, you certainly will want to take caution.

In any relationship, trust is earned like respect. You cannot command it. You cannot demand it. You just have to work to earn it.

HOW CAN I EARN MY PARTNER’S TRUST?

To earn your partner’s  trust is easy if you learn to tell the truth always even when it hurts or when it can hurt. But what if my partner hates the truth? Then both of you will continue to relate in deception. Those who hate the truth forsake their soul.

The Bible says;

“….but let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘No’, ‘No’, lest you fall into judgement’’ James 5 Vs 12b

When people know your yes is yes and your no, no, they begin to respect you and once you are respected, it will not be difficult to earn trust.

Generally, trust enhances the following as much as the list below help trust in relationship;

1. Commitment or dedication
2. Conviction
3. Sacrifice
4. Sincerity
5. Repentance- If you once burnt the trust bridge and have repented, your partner may be able to trust you again
6. Forgiveness- If your partners wrong doing has been forgiven, then both of you can walk in trust again.

If there is trust challenge in any relationship, check any of the above listed 6 areas. It is certain one (if not all) of the 6 above is weak or absent, when trust is a challenge in relationship.

Friends, cheating, double dating, fornication, adultery and separation may be inevitable in a relationship where there is no trust. And it is better to stay single waiting for a trustworthy person than to go into a relationship with someone you don’t trust. And it is better to pray more for your spouse if you are in a marriage where trust is a challenge.

While I agree that it takes time to build trust, and that it takes seconds to break it, I do not agree it takes forever to repair a broken trust. Rather I like to postulate that it takes God, a willing and forgiving partner to repair a broken trust! 

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Costly mistake most women make in marriage

Trust me, I write from the position of knowledge, insight and experience as a relationship coach and counselor. I have ruminated over the mistakes married women make especially our 21st century Mrs and I thought it wise to share. Why? So that marriages will be saved from further chaos and disintegration.

Today’s married women face challenges that are either self-imposed or circumstantially imposed. Self-imposed when you are the cause and circumstantially when circumstances beyond your capability or comprehension forces these challenges on you. Believe me, it is an herculean task to be a woman, especially a married woman. Taking care of the home front is a tedious job. Taking care of your husband is real work. Going through the nine months course is a more laborious venture. And that is why I usually doff my cap for married women, especially responsibly married women! Ouch! Did I touch on something there? Leap, I know I did. There are married women who are not responsible; not to their husbands, children or even the home front. I salute you if you are one of those who is sacrificing a lot for your marriage, family and children. I pray your labor will never ever be in vain. Amen!

There are at least 16 common mistakes married women make, some of which are;

1. Comparing your husband to your father
2. Comparing your husband to your ex, especially your ex that you never wanted to part ways with
3. A Believe that you married only your husband and not his family.
4. Explained or unexplained dislike or outright hatred for your mother in-law, siblings-inlaw etc
5. Focusing on the children at the expense of your husband
6. Prioritizing your job or business above your marriage and family is a costly blunder. When your job or business ends, will you still have a marriage and family to be proud of?
7. Telling negative tales about your husband to your family, friends and colleagues will ultimately affect you too.
8. Deliberate refusal to grant your husband his due respect and regard even if he is erring!
9. Deliberate refusal to grant your husband conjugal sexual right or access even when you can.
10. Being dirty and unkempt. Every part of a wife ought to be sparkle clean. You can lure your husband into hot romantic blues by your neatness. So its important you keep your body clean 24/7 no matter how busy or tired you may be. A dirty wife is a serious put off!
11. Engaging in illicit affairs even if your husband or circumstances forced you into it by his wrongful conduct.
12. Moving out of your matrimonial home under any guise other than proven continuous case of domestic violence or emotional abuse is recipe for marital disaster. That is the agenda of Satan and you fall for it when you do so.
13. Nagging and nagging consistently like you are competing to win ‘’world prize for nagging wives’’ award. Men abhors women who nag.
14. Absentee married women who commit their home entirely to nanny, house-helps without adequate supervision take huge risk. Your husband may be at risk, your children and indeed your marriage may be at risk. Absentees don’t know what happens in their absence!
15. Whatever my husband likes he can do attitude is a terrible attitude. Spiritually and physically both of you ought to be one, so what do you think will happen to the rest of the body when any part of the body is aching or severed from the other? That is what you do to yourself by your ‘’I DON’T CARE ATTITUDE’’!
16. Misbehaving to your husband because the law of the country where you live favors women will backfire on you. If the law helps you get away with it, nemesis will catch up with you through your children later.